EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW with Digital Doug, a Leading Photographer of Models

AMANDA: Thanks for being with us today, Digital Doug.

DIGITAL DOUG: My pleasure, Amanda. I photograph people and dogs for Madison Avenue. I understand you have some questions about your potential as a super model.

AMANDA: Right, Digial Doug. I need to raise money to spay feral cats. I figure I can take advantage of my extreme good looks. Do I have any chance at all?

DIGITAL DOUG: You are beautiful. That's a fact. But sometimes that isn't enough. You have to have "the look" to sell the products. The most successful super models are so stunning, they get your attention. But the more you look, the more you notice some every day qualities and you think, "If I buy what they are wearing, I can look that good."

AMANDA: Where do I get started, Digital Doug? I have already hired Jake Feral as my agent.

DIGITAL DOUG: If Jake is smart enough to be fed by four families, I suspect she is smart enough to come up with a great marketing plan for you. You need to create a digital portfolio with exciting pictures of yourself in different settings -- enjoying some really good dog food, wearing a nice doggie outfit or staying in a dog-friendly hotel. We show it to potential advertisers and they would want you to sell their product.

AMANDA: That will be easy. I have some nice outfits and you know I love all food. I also love sleeping on people-beds. A digital portfolio. Jake and I are on it!

More Conversations With Jake Feral

AMANDA: Hey, Jake! Jake Feral, Merry Christmas.

JAKE: You, too, Amanda. The neighbors gave me some treats. And tell your Mommy I found the smoked Salmon she left outside last night. That was a wonderful Christmas Eve treat.

AMANDA: We are having roasted chicken tonight, Jake. I can't wait.

JAKE: I would like some, Amanda. One of the neighbors is out of town.

AMANDA: Can't you get by just being fed by three families, then, Jake?

JAKE: No, I need some of that chicken. Have I told you how beautiful you are? I know you love to be admired.

AMANDA: You rock, Jake Feral. You will get some chicken tonight. Have you seen this new picture of me with Mommy? She says I am a super model.

JAKE: Look, Amanda. I think you should demand some coinitch for looking so good. Most super models are getting big bucks.

AMANDA: I find that interesting, Jake Feral. While I think it is OK that I don't share my food with anyone, I should share the money I make modeling. It is Christmas, you know.

JAKE: I have an amazing idea. What if I become your agent and then I could take two thirds of everything you make, Amanda!

AMANDA: LOL, Jake Feral! Stealing that much of my income makes you a lawyer, not an agent. You could take seven percent. I believe that's going rate for the agents my Mommy has to deal with.

JAKE: What will you do with the money, Amanda?

AMANDA: I will pay off the Christmas bills, then I will do some charity work, Jake. I had a $30.00 budget for Daddy and I met my goal. I got him some flannel boxer shorts, some nice socks and a warm neck scarf so he can take me on longer walks.

JAKE: What charity could we help with the rest of the money, Amanda?

AMANDA: We will start a foundation so that feral cats can be spayed and then let back into the world. That seems to be a good cause, I think.

JAKE: That would be smart, Amanda. The fewer feral cats there are in this neighborhood, the more food for me! I have to go now so I can find you some modeling gigs. See you tonight around dinner time.

On Pigskin: Go Bucks

November was big in our household this year. Politics, Pigskin and TV news ratings. Mommy is in the news business and she is part of a team that won late news!

But my favorite team is The Ohio State Buckeyes. Daddy and I are big fans. Here we are on Michigan Saturday. The Buckeyes won, 42-7! I think someone got a touchdown. Not sure.

On Politics: My View of the Bailouts

I am a conservative Chow dog, because I don't share my food with ANYONE! But I vote Democratic. Riding the fence, I keep you all guessing.

I must tell you that I am opposed to the auto bailout. Not even Jake is asking for a bailout, and she is homeless!

Conversations with Jake Feral

At this point in my life, I am living in my third home and I can tell this is the one I will like best.
I think it's because of all the glass. I can talk to the neighbors. I hate squirrels and used to hate cats. Then I met Jake Feral. Jake dropped by to welcome me to the 'hood. As I recall, our first conversation went something like this:

AMANDA: Why are you blocking my view, and who are you? I don't usually hang out with cats.

JAKE: I am Jake Feral. I lived here before you did. Welcome, anyway, Amanda.

AMANDA: Tell me about yourself, then, Jake. Where do you live, and who is your Mommy?

JAKE: I am "feral" which means I don't have a house. I am homeless. We all need to help the homeless, Amanda. You are lucky to have a Daddy and Mommy who love you. I don't have a Mommy or Daddy to give me tummy rubs like you do. I don't get as much love as those with parents, Amanda!

AMANDA: That is sad, Jake! How do you eat? You certainly don't look like you have missed any meals.

JAKE: Oh, that is the good part, Amanda. The neighbors feed me. I go to the McDaniels, the Willsons, the house behind you and to the house by the mailboxes.

AMANDA: Wait a minute, Jake. This is a scam. By my calculations, you are being fed by four families!

JAKE: There is no law against it, Amanda. Would you like to share your food with me?

AMANDA: NO! I am greedy that way, Jake. But I can tell you that I get some of Daddy's food every night. I love salmon!

JAKE: Are you socially responsible, Amanda? Do you recycle and do you believe in diversity?

AMANDA: I clean up everything on my plate, if that's what you mean. I don't know much about diversity except that I hate squirrels. Does that make me a bad dog, then, Jake?

JAKE: No, Amanda. It makes you a typical dog. But if you reach out and make an effort to get along with people, with other dogs and with cats, you will rise above it all and be a very, very good dog.

AMANDA: People. Other dogs. Already there, Jake. I will try to like at least some cats. I mean, you seem pretty cool.

JAKE: I can teach the world a lot about diversity, Amanda. For example, I am in integrated cat. I am both black and white.

AMANDA: I have noticed that, Jake Feral, and I find it interesting.

JAKE: I am like Barack Obama.

AMANDA: He is very interesting. I like his daughters. They are dog people. I notice nothing has been said about them getting a cat. Jake, I need to ask you something. Are you a boy or girl? You have a boy's name but a girl's voice.

JAKE: LOL, Amanda! When I first appeared here, the neighbors thought I was a boy. They named me "Jake." Then I had kittens. I have had kittens three times, Amanda.

AMANDA: I find that interesting, Jake Feral. Are they all integrated cats like you?

JAKE: Some are. Some are all white. Some are all black. One is Siamese. She still lives nearby and they call her "foxy."

AMANDA: I think I hear Mommy's car. COL. Celebrate out loud!

JAKE: I need to run. I have four stops to make for dinner tonight, Amanda The Chow. May I stop by tomorrow?

AMANDA: That would be great, Jake Feral